endeavors

I just started writing 'morning pages' as explained by Julia Cameron in The Artist's Way. Stream of consciousness for 3 pages - or more. It's quite different from journaling.

I gave out two copies of Break/Through this week, one voluntarily and one by request. I haven't thought about that book in a couple years. Now I need to read it again in case either of these readers have specific feedback. :)

I edited a previous post, also, and wanted to mention it in case you visited before now and noticed the post is mostly gone. I described having a hard time accepting the good coming into my life. Being an adult survivor will have that effect. Thank you to my friend for asking about it. It was a dramatic week and I injected lots of drama into retelling how I felt. Way too much. Things are good - really good. Sometimes I have a hard time adjusting. And accepting that this is normal.

journaling versus keeping a diary - according to several sources.

Diaries are for documenting events. Journals are for personal, emotional exploration and growth. I was journaling before I became Chakra Girl. Maybe I became Chakra Girl because I started journaling.

reason for disappearance? two years of full-time graduate school - elementary special education, focus on autism; just graduated reason for return? to share what i've learned about myself in the last few years - including the journey into and through grad school. there's the usual fear, disappointment, disillusionment, loneliness, and dread...and then all of a sudden bits of empowerment, contentment, joy, and happiness started showing up. when those more lovely things used to creep in (as though they did not belong) i did not know what to do with them, so i recoiled...and they disappeared. these days it seems to me that i am ready to treat them differently. maybe they'll stick around a bit longer. the last post was written quite long ago and ended with a reference to a tornado. well, said tornado actually swept me up and carried me away. at least it was gentle with me, depositing me in an entirely different place, completely off the grid compared to the 'old country'. i have no access to the old country anymore, besides memories. while i do sometimes long for the comfort of old patterns and reactions (defenses, survival mode, root chakrum, my old Self), they no longer fit and i find i get tired of engaging with them. weird. when i want to change part of my world, i start with intentions, thoughts. then i add details. then actions. two years ago, i had to add something else: prayer. allowed God/Universe to lead the way. got my ego out of the way. i realized that for all my actions and intentions (from a place of arrogance - never a good thing), i was exhausted. i was seeking professional stability and had not been able to achieve that no matter how many ventures i launched...prayer, for me, always requires surrender. total surrender. giving up control was quite difficult considering i had not yet acknowledged that i WANTED to be in control. so after all that was resolved (now flippant, though it was a hell of a process at the time), prayer. two years of training was one answer to my prayers. the next answer was a blossoming, stable relationship that started before graduate school (parallel lessons in surrender for more than 2 years now) - first ever as an adult. my graduation gift was to move in with him (aka "bf"). and that is my new beginning. all this change from prayer and allowing whatever God/Universe has designed for me. where there was arrogance, i now allow. it requires a hell of a change in thinking and feels like i'm learning how to do it the first time every single time i do it. but it's worth it, so i will continue to practice doing it. yes, this means i fail all the time - that is my judgment, that i haven't mastered it so i must be failing. more allowing. more practicing. maybe it will get easier someday. a girl can hope.

solsticefullmoonlunareclipse...sun arrives at the Galactic Center

Overnight tonight there is a full moon, a total lunar eclipse, and the winter solstice. Apparently this is a celestial event that has not happened for 456 years.

Taken separately, each event is a pretty big deal, at least for me.

*Full moons sometimes pull emotional stuff out of me that I did not realize I was holding onto (translation: an emotional Chakra Girl). Sometimes they pull stuff out that I am intentionally holding onto...and this type of letting go is much harder. I am usually left feeling drained...and always feeling relieved.

*lunar eclipses usually mean that the forces acting for my own healing are simply not going to bother waiting for me to decide to let go. This means I either sob it out or it is released quietly and all I feel is lighter. Most of the time - maybe because long ago I learned how cleansing a good sob can feel - it comes out in a strong, but brief, crying session.

Of course, these emotionally draining events do not happen with each moon cycle (~29.5 days or so in each cycle). Thank god. For me it seems to happen every few months - sometimes with the change of the seasons, sometimes not.

*Winter solstice. So many people feel sad when the holiday season is over...winter can be long for us solar-powered humans. But winter, for me, is a time to start celebrating - not only is it rest time but the days start to get longer again!

One other thing I heard about this event was that our sun is going to be at the center of the Milky Way Galaxy (the 'home' of the sun - also referred to as it's 'birth canal'). Previously I thought this was only going to be happening on December 21, 2012...the end of the Long Count of the Mayan Calendar. It seems to me this is the beginning of the two-year countdown to the end of the Long Count.

So now I can either launch myself into researching all this (trying to be a source for people wanting more info) OR I can do what I believe I am meant to as Chakra Girl...I can tell you how this is affecting me, personally, in my human experience and what I intend to do about it.

Next post...

Welcome to the Tornado ("Oh, *that's* what this is!!!")

Reprioritizing

Chakra Girl dot com is officially under construction.

Once upon a time this was a personal blog. That story had to end so a new one could start.

First and foremost, 2012 is getting closer. The flow of energy outside our bodies is still increasing in speed and will continue accelerating even as we move into 2013, 2014, and beyond.

Life is getting louder. The amount of stimuli your brain processes everyday (while you keep trying to live your life) continues to increase.

We need more people talking about how to manage it all, how to maintain mental and emotional health through this epic shift in our Universe. I've dropped the personal content and am gathering the whatever-it-takes (energy, patience, resources, knowledge, skill, something else?) to reposition this site to be one of those places you can turn to when you need practical insight - why are these things happening and what are you supposed to do about it?

There will be suggestions for getting out of your head and getting back into your heart and soul. That is where you came from. That is your home.

When I return to Chakra Girl Radio, I will be talking about this (haven't set a definitive date). In the meantime, check out the archives.

There are two books featuring Chakra Girl energy, as well:

Break/Through: Healing Obesity, Debt and Depression - One Chakra at a Time
This is my personal story and a solid introduction to the human energy body, or Chakra system. It is available on Lulu, Amazon, Amazon Kindle and by request at your local bookstore - ask them to order ISBN 978-0-615-38257-9.

I Am Bound and Determined: The Must Read Guide for Women of Childhood Abuse and Trauma by Deidre Hughey
My story is one of 25 featured in this book. It is a privilege to have my voice heard in the company of so many other strong, courageous women. This book is available on Lulu).

In Lak'ech (Mayan for "I am another yourself"),

Chakra Girl